I wouldn’t say that I’m a fearful person. If I say I’m going to do something, I do it. But I am not a daredevil either. Playing “Truth or Dare” as a kid never elicited a dare from me. Truth won every time and I usually ended up revealing things I really wouldn’t have otherwise.
But I do have one fear: a problem with believing in myself, which makes my self-esteem at times take a nose-dive. My friend Jana brought this issue up last week and it got me thinking, “Why do I hold myself back?”
I truly believe anything is possible in life, but sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve it. Someone else is better, and they deserve it. Why? Why do I accept that? The world is big enough for all of us to have our own slice of the pie. Our own shot at the moon. I have to remember that. I have to remember that the only thing holding me back is me.
Sometimes I get focused on past decisions and regrets. Things left unsaid. Hurts not remedied. Dreams left shattered. But I need to realize that now is the only thing that I have an effect on.
You regret the things you don’t do and learn from the things that you did do.
I have decided that 2012 is the year that I say FAREWELL TO FEAR. This fear that I am not good enough. This is the year that I pick up my self-esteem from off the floor, so weary, battered, and bruised and learn to believe in myself. To breakthrough this muddled fog of self-inflictions, self-recriminations, of self-doubt.
I know that I have the capacity to do so much. I have to be my own biggest cheerleader. I must have faith in myself. I know that I’ll have days where I fall flat on my face. I’ll have days where the greyness of my mood overtakes me. But I am choosing to persevere. Not just for me, but for my daughter. I want her to know that anything is possible. That dreams are out there for her to conquer and revel in. I want her to always believe in herself.
Because Mommy does…